


A Scientist Is Always Fine

by Makizushi



Category: Homestuck, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Body Horror, Canon-Typical Casual Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Desert Bluffs, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Meet-Cute, Multi, OT3, Self-Esteem Issues, The Joyous Congregation of the Smiling God, Typical Desert Bluffs Violence, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 08:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makizushi/pseuds/Makizushi
Summary: A scientist is open to many possibilities, and never closes herself off from productive avenues of inquiry.





	A Scientist Is Always Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [masswisteria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/masswisteria/gifts).



One of the first things you noticed upon moving to Night Vale was the uncanny interest radio hosts seemed to take in scientists. Your team leader was already in a committed relationship with The Voice of Night Vale when you arrived to replace a colleague suffering from a nervous condition. Or nerve damage, the message delivered under your bathroom door in the middle of the night wasn’t quite clear. In any case, it wasn’t quite as shocking as it could have been when you first heard yourself mentioned live on the radio during a late night broadcast.

“-in any case I was running like hell from those things, like any sane person should, when I ran into one of the scientists you guys seem to be collecting in this town. And I mean literally ran into I’m pretty sure I broke something, there was scientific shit all over the ground and I knocked the scientist flat on her ass like some kind of grotesque human bowling ball. Not that her ass was flat that’s not what I meant, her ass was quite- oh my god I hope she’s not listening to me talk about her ass on the airwaves. The point is, I’m supposed to be giving y’all my hot takes from a Desert Bluffs perspective on this show and I gotta say you’ve got a serious scientist infestation around here and might want to have that looked at. I mean addressed, not looked at, I’m not suggesting we all ogle the hot scientists. I mean. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.”

As _Drop It Like It’s Hot_ starts playing you decide to start employing a more direct method of inquiry. While there are many paths you could take in investigating just what was going on around here, developing relationships with people more at home with local phenomena seems like an invaluable resource.

~~~

Dave, unfortunately, isn’t from Night Vale, as you learn when you stop by the station later that week.

“Yeah Desert Bluffs doesn’t exist anymore, which happened shortly after Night Vale not existing anymore, but I’m from there originally. It’s like the towns took turns attempting to absorb each other like frisky amebas and Night Vale won out. I mean, there was some shit in there about a giant bug trying to give the universe a Glasgow smile but you don’t wanna hear about that.”

You blurt out, “Actually that sounds fascinating,” before noticing how uncomfortable and tense the topic seems to be making him. As a scientist, you tend to substitute enthusiasm for tact and it can come off as inconsiderate. Thankfully, you’ve also found that _redirected_ enthusiasm helps with the tact issue. You pretend not to notice the way he nervously tugs his long sleeves low on his wrists in this desert heat and instead turn your attention to his recording studio. “Your equipment is also fascinating, and so colorful!”

“It’s waterproof too, but this is a dry station so the red is more for aesthetics than hiding stains.”

“We need to look into that for the lab, I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve had to replace delicate and expensive instruments because they got soaked with otherworldly goo or splashed with dead animal blood.”

“Oh man, yeah, I hate it when they sort of pop when they hit the ground. The Glow Cloud (ALL HAIL) will usually try to avoid messing with your shit if you ask nicely. Hell, I’ve seen it almost gently place a few really cool specimens on the ground right in front of me; I think it knows I preserve them.”

You spend the next half hour or so excitedly talking to Dave about the difficulties inherent in trying to preserve all of the scientifically fascinating things Night Vale throws your way and taking a tour of the station with him. It’s casual and comfortable and normal in a way you’ve grown to miss since arriving here and falling face first into your work. Not even being dragged under the break room table to hide from Station Management sours the visit, though you suppose you _have_ been distracting him from his job and don’t want to get his boss on his case. Dave offers to let you have a look at his collection, fingers plucking anxiously at his now rumpled skirt and smoothing it down again over his leggings as his words seem to get away from him. You like it, the way that he can’t seem to help broadcasting his thoughts and feelings despite his apparent aversion to smiling.

“You could meet my boyfriend Karkat too, he works at the library.”

Your thoughts momentarily freeze and then burst into half a dozen different directions. _You have a boyfriend?!_ features prominently among them but the one that manages to make it out of your mouth is “He works at the _what?!_ ”

~~~

This year’s Summer Reading Program sponsored by the Night Vale Library features a number of outreach events held outside of the library proper. You hear that attendance has been much higher due to this development, with people far more comfortable attending readings and book signings at coffee shops in the charming Barista District even with the current pteranodon infestation. When Dave invited you to meet an actual Night Vale Librarian at an event for a locally popular novelist you knew it was your scientific duty to record as much data as possible. You even snuck in a contraband writing utensil and note pad just in case your tablet failed and borrowed a portable danger meter from the lab.

From all that you had heard about librarians, the very last thing you were expecting to see was an exhausted, grouchy, and at least nominally human guy supervising the last bits of set up for today’s events. He is wearing some of the most normal clothes you’ve seen in town, and his hair looks like it’s trying to escape his head in every direction. While surreptitiously scanning him and the surrounding area the danger level never once goes into the red, scientifically the most dangerous color. By the time Dave shows up people are already clutching their darkly oozing books while standing in line to meet the author, freeing Karkat enough that Dave can drag him to the back of the shop and introduce you.

Karkat beats the both of you to the conversational punch. “From the look of disappointment on your face I can assume Dave has told you all about me.”

You feel your face go hot at the same time as Dave sputters “Babe no, what?!”

You cut in, “No no no! I’m very happy to meet you, of course! Only, Dave said you were a Night Vale Librarian so I was a little confused. And relieved, if I’m being perfectly frank. I promise I’m usually more excited to meet cute guys than murderous monsters. It’s just not what I was expecting.”

Karkat crosses his arms and seems to relax a little. “Oh, yeah, I’m a librarian at the Night Vale Public Library but I’m not a Night Vale Librarian. I grew up in Desert Bluffs with Dave.”

You settle into a well worn arm chair while Dave pulls Karkat down onto a small adjacent couch. They look sweet together under the leftover decorations from the previous year’s Barista Cultural Faire. You feel loss, or something like loss except it’s over something you’ve only just found. “Were the libraries there very different?”

“Well, all libraries have their unique challenges. The Desert Bluffs one was damper, so it was harder to keep the books in good condition. The Night Vale library has more staffing challenges but at least we’re supposed to clean up the viscera instead of being corporately mandated to produce and maintain a consistently fresh coating of the stuff.”

“Corporately _mandated_ viscera? Why was that a thing?” A scraggly looking barista shuffles by and places a gluten free pastry in front of Karkat, presumably in thanks for drawing so many patrons to the shop with the book signing.

Karkat munches on the pastry, his teeth seem strangely sharp. “Desert Buffs was a corporately run theocracy, and as to why I’m not into all that religious bullfuckery. You’d have to ask my brother Kankri, he’s an assistant pastor down at the temple near route 800.”

“I’d be interested to learn how you guys are settling in, being new in town is more difficult than I anticipated.”

You see Dave lean into Karkat a little as he nods. “Yeah, the whole ‘INTERLOPER’ song and dance gets a little tired after a while. And the government satellites watching us while we pretend to sleep aren’t my favorite thing, but it feels a hell of a lot safer here than where we were.”

“I don’t know about safer in my case, but it sure is a lot more interesting! Night Vale is probably the most scientifically fascinating town in the country.”

“So does that mean you’re planning on sticking around?” There is a hopeful little note in Dave’s voice that makes you look curiously at the pair of them. It makes you feel curious and maybe a little hopeful.

Karkat takes over when it becomes clear that you need a little more clarification on the intent behind that question. “While Dave apparently didn’t tell you jack shit about me, he’s told me a lot about you. So if you were planning to stay here a while…” Karkat pauses and gives Dave a significant look. It’s quite confusing for you, and even more confusing when Karkat makes a noise of disgust at his boyfriend. “Dave you could TRY to help me out here, it’s YOUR crush we’re attempting to ask out.”

Dave’s face flushes an alarming color behind his shades. “Karkat how could you just pull my beating heart out of my chest and dump it on this crumb covered coffee table like that?”

You jump in before Dave can really get rambling; you’ve heard enough of his show to hear one coming on and this is too exciting to wait. “You’re asking me out on a date? With just Dave or with both of you?”

Now it’s Karkat’s turn to fluster, it’s just as cute on him as it was on Dave. “Well, if you only wanted to go on a date with Dave I’d totally understand, I’m just facilitating like the world’s most incompetent cherubic jackass.”

“Okay but _could_ I go on a date with both of you, if I wanted to?” You lean forward and smile, excited to see where this line of inquiry goes.

Dave smiles back for the first time since you met him, small and almost secret somehow, like he doesn’t want anyone but you and Karakt to see. “Jeez Dr. Pepper, you’re an adventurous one.”

“A scientist is always ready for adventure.” Hope is a terrible, sharp emotion when it sinks its claws in you.

Karkat looks at you like he’s seeing something new and runs a hand through his already wild hair. “Yeah, sure, that’d be really good, if you want to. I mean, I want to. Yes.”

The relief and excitement is so intense you feel like floating away into the endless sky. “Great! I’m so excited. When should we go out? And maybe you could show me a real Night Vale Librarian sometime?”

Karkat grumbles, “Oh I see how it is. You’re just using me to get at my terrifying coworkers.” But he looks happy, so you’re quick to tease back.

“Yeah, sorry guys, no cute boys for me, only horrifying monsters that’ll eat my face right off. That’s just how I roll.”

“Well, I was thinking of asking y’all to the waterfront boardwalk before my late shift at the station, but there is a distinct lack of abominations there.” Dave’s feet shuffle nervously on the rough stone floor of the shop.

“I feel like there should also be a distinct lack of waterfront, since Night Vale is landlocked and in the middle of a desert, but I’d love to see what’s going on with that tonight!”

Plans made, you continue to shoot the shit with them until the event winds down, the awkward miasma of crush confessions and asking outs dissipating into easy conversation. Karkat loves reading as much as you do, though he’s far more into fiction than scientific literature. He shares your concern over the fact that books just stop working sometimes when it seems like that shouldn’t be possible. Dave is really interested in how clocks also don’t work in Night Vale and how time isn’t real around here. Eventually Dave and Karkat both leave to help break down the event, and you’re left sipping a mysterious coffee drink you don’t remember ordering.

Just as you are about to pack up and head home to change into something nice for your date, Karkat comes back over to your table with a woman at his elbow.

“Hey, before we head out, our guest of honor wanted me to introduce you. If you’re looking to learn about native Night Vale in all its fucked up glory, Ms. Lalonde is probably a good person to talk to.”

“̵̯͛L̵͎̆o̶͎͗v̵̙̽e̵̘͝l̸͎ÿ̵̖́ ̸̢t̸̺̿o̵̪̍ ̸̮̓m̴͙̀a̶̯̿ķ̶͐e̴̗̓ ̴̻̇y̸͇̾ȏ̶͉u̸̗̅r̷̦͑ ̴̤̄a̶̺͌c̸͕͘q̵̮̽ȕ̶̺a̴͔͛i̸͉̔ṋ̷͂t̸̢͋a̸̦͋n̸͜c̷̩͗e̶̜͝.̶̗͘”̸̧̛

Ms. Lalonde has a beautiful smile, and you’re struck with how very many people you suddenly wouldn’t mind getting to know a little better. For scientific purposes of course! A scientist is always friendly and on the lookout for new resources.

“Oh, yes! It’s good to meet you. Maybe we could exchange contact information? I promise I wouldn’t take up too much of your time.” You give her your number and she texts you right away so that you can save her contact in your phone.

Dave and Karkat explain where the three of you should meet later tonight while Ms. Lalonde gathers her things, and it’s only after you’re on the sidewalk that you check your phone.

2̷̧̗͚̿̊͆͠ͅ0̷̦̟̽̄͛7̴̩͚̋̚-̷͎͈̙̂͐̐͊4̷̙̗̱͇̾́̔̕͝0̵̣̀̊͐̈́4̷̤̰͔̤̏ͅ-̸̞͂2̴̜̠̾̎6̸̱̭̻̺̗̙̉̉͛͝0̸̻̫͙͆̈́̈́͒̽4̶̧̘̒: _Would you be amenable to dinner with me next week?_

You: _yes of course!! your number seems to have gotten scrambled somehow. huh. i’ll just save it under your name hopefully it’ll be fine._

Rose Lalonde: _I look forward to our date._

You: _date??_

~~~

Karkat and Dave encouraged you to go to the dinner, with Karkat assuring you that the encounter should be quite survivable. He’d gotten Ms. Lalonde to agree to sign books through her wife, his close friend Kanaya, and apparently everyone was very excited about your dinner date. The amount of gossip centered on scientists and their doings in this town continues to astound you.

You decide to dress casually in a long skirt with a weekend, squiddle patterned lab coat. Ms. Lalonde, no, Ms. _Please I Would Be Delighted If You Called Me Rose,_ was rather taken with it. At least, her gibbering seems to take on an excited tone when she sees it. Though, you suppose she could simply be glad to see you. Rose, of course, looks stunning in the simple black dress with a long purple sash and coiling aura of darkness she chose for the evening.

Throughout the evening everything goes wonderfully. At dinner Rose introduces you to a type of seafood you’ve never even heard of before and wasn’t even slightly put out when you emptied your leftovers into a stoppered glass vile for later study. She cooes… happily? …at the pictures you show her of your dog and listens intensely as you chatter about this scientific discovery and that prophetic vision of the future. The customary duel for the check is short yet fierce. While your grandfather drilled it into your mind that a lady never leaves her home without some sort of firearm, Rose is both insistent and mortally terrifying. You think your grandpa would have liked her.

Finally, well after the red glow of sunset and its accompanying screams had faded into soft velvet night she leads you to the top of a tall hill and sits with you in the grass. Rose is so much quieter than Dave or Karkat, it’s relaxing in a way you appreciate.

“I’m really happy you invited me out! I’ve been so completely absorbed in work at the lab that I don’t think I’ve really _experienced_ Night Vale, you know? The only people I’ve really gotten to know are transplants like me.”

“̶͇̔I̵̞͍̒̌ ̸͕͎͋a̷̝̟͆̚m̵̺͆ ̷̡̈́i̸͍͙̇m̴͙͂͘m̷̟̩̈́̌e̸̺̱̽n̷̞̄s̴͕̈́e̴̞̽̓l̷̗̇ẏ̶ͅ ̴̡̿̒p̶͎̐ͅl̶̟̞̈́̌e̷̘͆̓à̸̠̚s̴̤̬͆̋ẽ̷͉̗d̴͓̿̍ ̶̥͝ẙ̴̨ô̷͓͖̚u̷͑͜ ̸̱̙̕͝á̶̜̂c̸̝̜̐͝c̴̠̞̓ḛ̶̼p̸̨̽͛ṯ̵͖͒e̵̱̾̂d̵͎͆ ̸̬̄m̵̛̹y̸̹͒ ̵̨͎̕i̷̦͐̔n̶̯̣̋̈v̵͔́i̴̟̲t̶̟̔̊ã̵̙̗́ţ̵͇̑ḯ̴̖̠̍ỏ̷̢̞ṅ̵̤.̸͓̑”̵̲͑͆

The local accent is so charming. You are glad to hear even sophisticated people like Rose using it. In university it always made you sad when friends had to abandon their local dialects in favor of the bland, stiflingly white kind of language academics used.

“I wasn’t exactly sure of why you asked though, and I’m still not quite clear. Was there some research you needed for your next novel? Or was this outing for more… personal reasons?” You can’t help but smile slyly at her over your shoulder. You know what you’d like the answer to be, but a scientist never corrupts her inquiries by presuming the answer before gathering and analyzing all the data.

“̶̛̞̭̃W̶̝͗̕ò̵͍̺u̷̲̪̓l̶͓̹̆͝d̶̟̓̎ ̵̰͉̑͘i̸͕͈̅̉t̶̻͙͋ ̸̘̈̎b̴̢̎o̷͑̈́ͅt̸̫͗̽h̵̝̣̉e̸̪͔̾̋r̵̮̅̆ ̵̮͛y̷̘̒͜ō̷̡̺ũ̵͕ ̷̫͍͊i̸̤͎̓̾f̵̢̥̾ ̷̥̒I̵͍͌̑ͅ ̸̝̻͛̚h̴̯̎â̷̟d̴͉͝ ̴̪̠͌̑b̷̻̪̃͝ö̴͚̠ț̴͑̈́h̶̲̟͐ ̴̯̂͝p̴͓̝̈́e̷̢͍̍r̴̢͔͗̿s̷̹̟̅ö̵̝̐n̴̰̣̒̐ą̸̮̊̾l̴̨̢̿̔ ̸̙̮́̉å̴̭n̶̼͌̊͜d̴̢͔̊ ̸̧͎̊͒p̶͉͘ȑ̵̰̖̓o̴͔̕f̷̼̎̃͜e̷̤͛s̸̡̝̐s̸͈̓i̷̠̪͗̚o̸̱͑̍ͅn̷͈͗a̵̺͖͗l̸̩͔͗̕ ̷̰̒ỉ̵̙͙̏n̵͙̝̄̽t̶͔̰̂͘ę̶̙́r̴̤͊̂e̶̟̚͝s̴̪̽́t̷̬̤̿ ̸̝͙̅i̴̞͉͌ṋ̸̹̍ ̶̡̅̈y̶̪̞̓ŏ̶͔̕u̷̗͠ ̵̝̤̀ã̵̰̗n̸̼͋̿ḋ̷̘ ̵͇̜̔y̴͎̭ö̵͚u̶̻͉̐ř̸̛̪ ̷̢̄͛w̴̭̍̊ö̵͓̺́̕r̴̝̲͑k̶͈͆͂ ̵͙͙̽ṙ̷̦̄e̴͙̫͊s̷̲̤̄p̷͕̠͝e̸̝̚̕c̵̢̞̍̚ṫ̸͕̓i̸͙͋v̶͈͑̚ë̷͕͙́l̸̙͘y̶͚̍?̷̲͘”̵͙͋͛

Oh dear, some of that was a bit difficult for you to parse. You really need to spend more time with locals and get used to the accent! She looks happy though, like she genuinely wants to be here, and to be here with you specifically. Instead of asking her to repeat herself and laboriously dragging meaning from her words, you decide it would be much nicer to flop on your back and look up at the sky. The night is mostly void, partially stars with the bright moon of Rose’s face leaning over you to block most of it from view.

She smiles at you, white hair draping over her cheek, and you find that while you’re happy to have the immensity of the universe above you, you _much_ prefer her smiling face and half lidded purple eyes.

She says,

“̵͙̀M̸̡̦̄͝a̶͖͈̓̕y̵̠͐ ̵͍͌Ĭ̶͍̈́ ̵̠̪͌̅k̶͖͐ĭ̶̢͔ṡ̴̺͐s̶̱͆ ̴̘͛y̶͓͊ò̷̩̄u̷̜̗͂̽?̶̥͊”̷̘̻͐̇

and brushes first her lips, then yours with her fingertip. You’re not exactly sure of what she asked, but a scientist is good at making guesses.

“Yes.”

The light kiss she presses to your lips is quite different from the ones you’d shared with Dave and Karkat on the boardwalk under similar yet slightly different stars, but no less meaningful. No less exciting and full of promise.

~~~

It’s a few days after your various dates that one of the most elegant women you’ve ever seen finds you distracted and dazed in the middle of… something. It’s hard to remember what you were doing, or where you came from, or-

The sound of a chainsaw revving snaps you back to reality, and the complementary whispers in your mind silence themselves in started fear.

“I am terribly sorry about that, the forest needs firm handling sometimes. I highly suggest we make our way somewhere safer.” She pulls you from the ground and _things_ snap from your legs like little hairs breaking off. It hurts to leave, but the farther you get the more horror you feel at how very close you’d been to losing yourself forever.

You round on your savoir and hug her tightly in an effort to stave off a panic attack. “Oh my god, what WAS that? I just wanted to take some samples back to the lab; I’m trying to make a study of Night Vale’s unique plant life. I thought it would just take a minute and I’d be fine, I didn’t think… oh god…” A few tears escape before you wipe your eyes dry and try to collect yourself.

The woman who rescued you is ethereal, almost glowing, and bright in a way that seems nearly translucent, like the sun shining through glass. “Thank you, for rescuing me. I didn’t realize it would be like that. I’m Jade Harley, by the way.”

“Yes, I have heard a lot about you.”

You wince good-naturedly. “On the radio, was it?”

“Oh, no.” She pauses to consider. “Well, yes that too, but mostly I have heard about you from my wife and best friend. I am Kanaya, and I have been looking forward to meeting you.”

Well that’s mortifying. The Whispering Forest almost sounds like a good escape plan at the moment. “Oh good, stupidly almost dying was exactly the first impression I wanted to make. Perfect.”

“Rose would have been quite disappointed if you joined the forest. I am glad I happened along.” The two of you walk along a path decorated with signs warning people to ignore the voices and turn back. You don’t remember it being quite so spooky going in, and make a note to yourself to about the danger of arrogance.

“Thank you again. What are you doing here, if I might ask? Are there some sorts of safety measures or protections I should have known about before going in?”

“None that would work for you. It seems that only people who do not exist can survive extended exposure to the forest.” She gives a small, self depreciating shrug as she shares this information.

“You shouldn’t feel bad about it. Like my boss says; it’s likely that nothing is actually real, and although it’s definitely true that some things exist and some things don’t, it’s often difficult to tell which is which without rigorous scientific tests.”

“That is such a sweet thing for you to say, thank you.” She smiles and your stomach flutters nervously. You can see why people would be tempted by the power of a smiling deity, if nothing else you’ve learned that there is power in a smile.

“It’s true though! The unreality of all things is the most scientific fact of all.”

“You are kind.” Her eyes catch yours and you feel as caught as you were in the forest until she blinks and continues leading you back toward town. “You seem to have so much going for you in your life. How did the forest get you?”

That is… an extremely personal question, but this would feel like the right time for it, if time existed. “It wanted me to be with it. To never be lonely again. Perfect belonging without any of the messiness or miscommunication or irreconcilable differences that exist between individuals. It was… tempting. But not actually what I want, now that I’m in my right mind.”

The silence is heavy and soft as you walk together, like the snow that such a place has probably never experienced. Both of you occasionally check or send messages on your phones, but it’s not awkward. You appreciate the silence and time to process the near disaster you just narrowly avoided. Nearer to town you ask again, “What were you doing in the forest, if it can’t affect you?”

“A while back a great deal of damage was done to the forest, and I thought it was a shame that the collective consciousness there might perish. So I have been looking after its recovery, pruning and coaxing new growth where I can. And occasionally helping unwary visitors escape.” You duck your head when she grins at you, though you feel much less foolish than you did earlier.

She continues, “If you like, I have a modest collection of less immediately fatal cultivars unique to Night Vale in my home garden. I would be delighted to show them to you sometime if you are interested.”

You are, of course, deeply excited to spend time in her garden, and with her. She leads you all the way back into town and right into Karkat, who she must have known was getting off of work through the magic of technology. He runs up to the pair of you immediately.

“Kanaya texted me. What the fuck happened to you? You look like shit, no offense.”

“Wow thanks Karkat. I just nearly turned into a tree, no big deal.”

Karkat gasps and runs his hands over your arms and shoulders as though making sure you haven’t sprouted branches. Before he can go into full panic mode, Kanaya takes your hand and squeezes it gently.

“I look forward to our next meeting.” She surprises you with a kiss on your cheek and leaves you to Karkat.

“Did she text you to meet up with us here?”

“Yeah, she said you might be in a rough state for the day and need company. More importantly though, did you just score _another_ date?”

You hug him in response and make a note to avoid the forest from now on. A scientist is _usually_ fine, but probably shouldn't push her luck when she still has so much left to do during her stay in Night Vale.


End file.
